I recently completed my 7th Conversation weekend debrief in Denver (The next Conversation closes April 18th). It’s exhilarating to be present as someone “connects the dots” and sees how their mistaken beliefs have conspired to create the constraining circumstances in their practices. I can only imagine how pleasing it must be for you to witness patients “getting it” and taking on greater responsibility for their well-being.
As I’ve been processing the direction this most recent Conversation took, I was struck by thought that most of us seem unwilling to change until the pain of the present eclipses the pain we imagine might happen if we make the change. In other words, most of us commit to change only when present circumstances become intolerable enough that it makes the unknown consequences of “pulling the trigger” attractive.
I wonder how many of us are putting up with situations that diminish us simply because we’re afraid. I wonder what we’re afraid of?
I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of disappointing others. Upsetting the predictable (although less-than-desirable) present. Risking my prideful reputation. Not showing up big enough to “chew what I’ve bitten off.” And let’s not forget the shame of failure.
It makes a great riff at seminars to observe that we do most of our learning through failure. But just what is failure other than an unintended outcome? The medical profession sugarcoats failure with the term: side effects. How clever. And in doing so, convinces millions to ingest various concoctions even though there are many failures. In fact, deadly failures.
That’s little comfort if you’re wrestling with a major decision. This? Or that? Should I? Or shouldn’t I? Now? Or later? Weighing the pros and cons of a major decision isn’t made easier by the oppressive stench of fear. The result? Inaction. Not a clear picture. I need more information. Don’t make a mistake!
So, we wait.
At first glance, by delaying action it looks like you’re simply waiting for more information so you can make a wiser decision. In reality, it’s a decision to choose indecision. Which isn’t exactly empowering. It shows your lack of faith, prolongs the inevitable and produces an infectious uncertainty. Even if you made the wrong choice, at least you can claim authorship of your life. Waiting to pull the trigger abdicates your responsibility. It reveals a profound mistrust.
Showing up untrusting, indecisive and uncertain is not how you grow a practice!
In fact, the reverse occurs.
But you already knew that. That’s why you’re waiting.