Getting Respect
by William D. Esteb
Research suggests that the information needed to replicate each of us is encoded on each genetic ribbon of our chromosomes. Embedded in each gene is the collected information of our species and our hereditary past. In our every muscle fiber is the history of tribal campfires and ritual. In every sinew the connectedness to nature lies dormant. We have become "civilized" and transcended the shaman, the cave paintings, and the wonder of the rising sun, the changing seasons, and the awareness of the miracle we call life.
Don't worry, your patients have too!
The separation of our educated mind and our "primitive" body has corrupted us. It has changed who we are. It has modified the environment. It has severely influenced our relationships. How else can you explain the destruction of the rain forests, the pollution of our rivers, and the carcinogenic chemicals we feed the animals that we eat, and the way we treat our elders?
We are the problem.
Most of us have surrounded ourselves with people who like us. Who are reluctant to criticize us. Who won't tell the emperor he or she isn't wearing any clothes. It works great. We pretend to be the boss, and they pretend to care. We pretend to be responsible and they pretend to like the status quo. We pretend we're making a difference, and they pretend to love their job.
Cozy, isn't it?
The "higher up" you get, the more serious the problem. Yet, even in medieval times the king recognized this, entertaining the joker to sanction dissent and to be the voice for the public; the little people. The joker or court jester was an important person in the royal court. His job was to question the status quo. To ask the "what if" questions. To poke fun. To jab. To force the royal court to look at issues of the day in a new way. We all need court jesters.
Yet, somehow we think we can maintain the status quo or protect our fragile self-esteem by isolating ourselves from the opinions of the people who depend on us (and we on them). We kid ourselves, thinking a strong-armed approach to staff relations will insure productivity. We think keeping staff members in a constant state of fear of losing their job will motivate them to be more conscientious. We think that saying "three times a week means three times a week and if you miss your appointment we expect you to make it up" will automatically result in optimal compliance. We think that just "doing a good job" will assure patient satisfaction and fulfillment.
Today, do-as-I-say doesn't work. Oh sure, for the generation born during the Depression, the authoritarian approach works pretty well. They tend to place the all-knowing doctor on a pedestal and look for direction and limits. Just try that with a 35-year old college educated baby boomer! It doesn't work. Maybe for a short time through clenched teeth, but it's not the tenacious kind of compliance that is bred from respect.
The question is, would you rather be respected or would you rather be liked? Think about it before you choose! There are significant ramifications to your choice.
Certainly it's easier to be liked than to be respected. Being liked means there's no need to confront a patient (spouse, child, etc.) and you can abandon any concerns about the future. Live for the moment. Decisions and directions given to others tend to be on the safe side, avoiding conflict at all costs. The path of least resistance is a very crowded road. It is a type of slavery, succumbing to the lowest common denominator. Like patients who don't necessarily want to be healthy, just pain free, doctors find themselves trapped in a practice which becomes repetitious and unfulfilling. Wanting to be liked short-changes the future.
On the other hand, if you'd rather be respected, practice takes on a whole new dimension! Granted, it takes high self-esteem, purpose, passion, vision, and creativity. Since you chose chiropractic it's going to take some extra effort:
Patient education. Patients cannot respect something they don't understand. The tendency is to devalue, reject, or be afraid of something we don't understand. Think back to the patients you've helped but who resisted or ignored your patient education efforts. Sure, many probably left feeling better, but they have no idea what you really did. No understanding. No referrals. No respect. Without patient education it's like practicing in the dark--you know you're doing a great job, but no one else does.
Set high standards. Remember that important coach or high school teacher? He or she demanded your very best. Your excellence or achievement was the result of high standards. Oh, at the time we hated the extra work. But later even we were impressed with our newly developed abilities! The teachers who let you coast, who didn't demand much from you, who allowed you to cheat yourself are not held with much respect in your memory today. If you want respect, set high standards for you and your patients. You'll notice that as you improve the appearance of your office, your letterhead, and the letters you send, that other aspects of your practice suddenly look ripe for improvement too. Pick an area and do it just a little better.
Know yourself. People who command respect from us have a deep understanding of themselves and their own shortcomings. They are not perfect, but we see them making the best of the moment. They are not complainers. They may get angry at injustice or inefficiency, however they have a sense of calmness and confidence we find intriguing. They do not lie to themselves. They are unafraid of criticism, in fact, they often invite it. Self-knowledge is required for the boldness and courage to exceed expectation and confront mediocrity. Lead an open life.
Long term vision. The people we respect are more interested in the future than the past. Most of us find it difficult to concentrate on the same idea for more than a few minutes. People we respect never stop. They have a boundless energy and a focus that allows them to see the world as it could be, and not be bound by the world as it is. Their ability to delay gratification and explore the long-term ramifications of a decision or an action is a mark of a true leader.
Allow others to fail. This is often the most difficult. When you respect others you honor them by being non-judgmental. (This is where your eternal optimism comes in handy!) When we see others shortchange their lives by the decisions they make, it's only natural to want to intervene. Done improperly this intervention backfires. Be sure you explain the choices and the probable outcomes of each choice, and then let the patient decide. In the long run it pays off. If they discontinue care prematurely, their problem is likely to return. When it does, if they respect you they'll return to your office and you'll get another chance. If they respect you.
You're it. The problem in most offices isn't procedures, or technique, or which college you graduated from, or whether you were the oldest son or the youngest daughter. It's you. It's easy to place the blame elsewhere, after all, there are so many culprits: the media, the insurance companies, the staff, the town, the weather, the patients...
It's you. While few people will tell you, if you want your patients to respect you, you have to start by respecting yourself.
Buy the book
My Report of Findings
Originally published in 1993
240 Pages
US $24.95
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